"I can't wait til I can get back to normal..."
We've all heard it and we've all said it at some point in life. I've been thinking about that statement a lot recently.
I like stability. I dislike change. Nobody really likes change, but some of us have a harder time with it than others. I'm one of those people. I know exactly when it started too. Before I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes twenty five years ago I was pretty carefree. I didn't plan much. I could get up and go without much forethought. I could eat whatever food was available and not worry about it. Once I got that diagnosis, life became a HUGE plan-fest. When would I eat? What would I eat? How much insulin would I take? What is my blood sugar? What foods do I need to bring in case I get low blood sugar during my walk or simple trip to the grocery store?
I had to plan every single detail, every single day of my life. This caused me to become very regimented. I remember thinking as a young twenty five year old grad student that my days of being carefree were gone for good.
That attitude also poured into every aspect of my life. I become agitated when I have a different routine. Vacations are somewhat of a nightmare. All the supplies I need to bring, new foods, going through security with all my supplies. It's much easier to stay home.
I enjoy the
normalcy of being at home, and sticking to my routine. When that routine changes, I always think how I can't wait to get back to normal.
My routine changed recently after my father was diagnosed with throat cancer. He would need rides to his numerous doctor appointments and to his daily radiation treatments. We invited him to come live with us during all of this so we could take care of him. It's such a surreal thing to drive him to his treatments. I think back to him driving me to school when I was little and it makes me happy knowing that now I am able to care for him when he needs it...even if I scare him a little when I drive...
My schedule has now completely changed and people have said, "well, soon your dad will be better and you will be back to normal."
I began thinking about that and re-framing my ideas of what normal really is.
What if what I'm doing now is normal and the uncertainty of life and the disruption of things is how life really should be?
What I do know is I am available to help my dad completely. My husband is as well. He was recently laid off from his job of twenty two years, right around the time my father was diagnosed. And since my dear son is a Forex trader, he is at home too. Just two years ago, all our schedules were vastly different, but now, we are all available to help. Serendipitous, no?
So, what if rearranged schedules, tracheostomy supplies on the dining table, and life turned upside down, is normal? And the normal we have come to expect and rely on is just an illusion of control, of normal?
What I know is this: life is meant for times like these. Times when we pour our love out for others.
That should be normal.
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you..." Matthew 7:12
